The Desire to Race
A couple of weeks ago, I was running with my teammate Nikki at a local park for a training run when she said, “I can’t wait until we are running next to each other as hard as we can to see how fast we can go.” I don’t know if it’s because the sun had not yet risen and I couldn’t see much except for the few feet of gravel in front of me lit up by my headlamp, but those words resonated deeply.
She was talking about racing. I wrote a blog post in the beginning of the pandemic about not being too upset about not racing the marathon I had trained for because the real reward was in the training; the race itself was just a cherry on top of a four-month, triple-scoop, chocolate sauce-covered ice cream sundae of work. And I meant it. And when people have asked us a gazillion times over the past six months how we stay motivated with nothing except for virtual races and time trials on the schedule (read: no “real” races) we have all said something similar. We love training. There could not be races on the calendar for months and years and we would still put our noses to the grindstone and work hard to become better runners. It’s what we love to do.
I will not speak for the other members of the Raleigh Distance Project, but at least for me, that sentiment is 100% true. It’s also at least 50% bullsh*t.
There are myriad reasons why. For starters, I miss the structure of a season plotted with races. I love running in part because of the structure that it provides to balance out my whimsical tendencies (chaotic energy, as the tik tok teens call it). A season in more normal times is this beautiful arc leading up to a big goal race and the progress is a part of a much bigger picture. It’s a pattern that I’ve grown to love after many seasons of competitive running, and at times over the past few months I have felt a little lost without it.
I also miss my racing self. There is some uber competitive version of myself that comes out when I’m in a race. I miss getting insanely gritty and reaching so far into the well I’m not sure I’ll make it back out. I miss feeling like my whole body is on fire and continuing to push the edge just a bit further.
And lastly, running hard and racing allows me to process what is happening around me with greater clarity. It reminds me that a lot of hard work can lead to breakthroughs and victories, but after every breakthrough and victory there is still work to be done. There is always still work to be done.
I’ll be racing this Sunday at the Battleship 10K in Wilmington, and after the week we’ve all had, I couldn’t be more stoked to go fast, take chances, and continue putting in the hard work.
By: Caity Ashley
